Tuesday, August 15, 2006


Yesterday my (biological) mom, my sister and I took Tino to the Y for a swim and he encountered his first crush... o.k., not really 'cause his only (almost) 2 but it was sooo cute. This is how it went down, picture me holding Tino in the pool and this little girl (LG) approaches us:

LG: He is cute, what's his name?

me: Tino

LG: Can his name be Eric for today?

me: o.k. What's your name?

LG: It changes. Sometimes is Tori, some other days is Ellie but today is Four

me: oh, hi Four!

LG: Can I hold him?

me: sure, if he'll let you

[Tino: all smiles while being held by LG in the water]

LG: Can I carry him on my back?

me: sure, if he'll hold on to your shoulders

[Tino: holding on to LG's shoulders]

LG: please get him off me he is sinking me!

[me: going back to hold Tino]

LG: How old is he?

me: almost two

LG: how many is that?

me: [showed her two fingers] how old are you?

LG: [shows me four fingers] how much longer until he is [she shows me the four fingers again]?

[showed her two fingers, again]

LG: can I give him a kiss?

me: sure

LG: [gives Tino a kiss]

Tino: [a little bit weirded out] bye baby, bye baby, bye baby

LG: but I'm not going anywhere

me: I know but I think he is ready to leave

LG: can I teach him how to swim underwater next time?

me: sure, next time

LG: bye Eric

Tino: bye baby

Friday, August 11, 2006

This one is for Tino, of course.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

a list of important and unimportant things i did today

Unimportant: For the very first time I tried one of those aqua fitness classes at the Y and it was B-O-R-I-N-G. But at least now I know.

Important: Finally bought our tickets to go to Guate. So we have a set date now, August 31st. Yikes!

Important: Tino and I went to pick up my biological mom from the airport and tomorrow we'll have to go back to pick up my sister. They'll be staying with us for a whole week and we are so excited to be able to spend some time with them before we leave.

Unimportant: I voted for my favorite dancer in the final of So You Think You Can Dance.

Important: Washed Alex's shirts. The AC is broken in his office so he's going through his shirts like water.

All in all a pretty full day.

Monday, August 07, 2006

guilty.... i feel guilty

Today was a hard day to be Tino's mom, he had the biggest melt down ever. I'm not saying he's perfect, but he's usually very laid back, yes, he throws tantrums on a daily basis but they are usually very short lived and most of the times he just goes though the motions, like he'll just fall to the ground on his knees for dramatic emphasis but won't even whine and will quickly get up and continue with whatever it was that he was doing. Not today. Today it was the mother of all tantrums and it was scary. It started when we drove to the grocery store but then realized that I didn't have my wallet with me so I pulled out of the parking lot and he started crying so hard, as if we were driving away from Disney World's parking lot without having gone in first. So I thought I'd make him feel better and instead of going straight home we stopped at the park. He swung in the swings for a bit but he didn't want to do much else, he went down the slide once, back to the swing and he kept on wanting me to pick him up. Then he was walking around and on a bench there were some toys that belonged to another boy and I told him that he couldn't take them because they weren't ours and he started crying, threw himself to the ground and then he wanted me to hold him and I did, I tried to comfort him and he did calm down. Once he stopped crying I walked towards one of the slides that he likes and I tried to put him down and he started fricking out again. So then I told him that we'd better go home and as I started walking towards the car, with him in my arms he started crying so hard, and flailing his whole body so vigorously I had to cradle him in my arms and hold on to him super tight so he wouldn't hurt himself or both of us, I think his hand got tangled in my hair so he started yanking my hair so hard that he ended up with a bunch of my hair wrapped around his fingers and it was so hard to put him in his car seat. It was so scary! I had no idea how to help him calm down and how to make him feel better. By the time we got home (a mere 3 minute drive) he was o.k. and as soon as we got home I popped in a Wiggles dvd and everything was fine. And here's where the guilt comes in, not only because I felt so inadequate at handling his melt down but also because the solution that I ended up recurring to was the fricking TV! What kind of lame parent am I?

After an hour or so I put him down for his nap but I was still feeling so shaken about the whole thing. When he got up I almost felt like I was afraid of him, maybe not him but his reactions. I think I feared that maybe that one episode was going to become a regular thing, like that was going to be the new Tino. I felt horrible and tense and jumpy. Then I decided we needed something that we both could enjoy together, so I thought swimming would be the perfect thing because we would have to be holding on and paying attention to each other the whole time. So we went to the Y and it was great! It really helped to relax us both (although I doubt Tino remembered the whole park episode 10 minutes after it happened), and we had lots of fun and I was able to see my usual laid back, sometimes stubborn but always fun Tino. We all have our days, don't we? Why would toddlers be any different? right? ...oh yeah, but the guilty feeling is still there.

Sunday, August 06, 2006

come hell or high water it is t -28 days

There are many things that still need to be defined for our move, for example, we have yet to book our flight, decide what to do with the car, pack etc. but one thing is for sure if we are not in Guate 28 days from today our families will probably disown us forever because they've been diligently planning Tino's birthday party for, at least, a couple of months now. I can't believe the whole thing is just around the corner and my apartment looks exactly the same... lots of stuff all around. But there's time, right?

I know I've said it a million times, although I sound apprehensive about the move I am excited about it. I'm excited about a fresh start, like a new year at school, right? with brand new notebooks and pencils and new clothes, the possibility of doing new things, reuniting with friends and trying to correct things that you didn't do so well in the past. I think is the move itself that's the hard part, the packing, the getting on and off airplanes (with a toddler), the first few days when I'm sure Tino will be so weirded out by his new surroundings. But it is what it is and we'll get through it.

So, in general, I'm doing o.k. I'm still not too stressed out... my eating is
completely out of whack and I hate that so much. Why? why do I do that to myself???? It always happens in periods of instability; as if all the changes going on weren't hard enough I never seem to be able to control my eating, no matter how hard I try to come up with a plan before it all happens. It is not so much that I'm horribly binge eating... although I must confess that in the past week I've had a few episodes of eating handfuls and handfuls of Tino's teddy grahams or mini nilla wafers or having ice cream + cake + candy bar for dessert at night. But mostly I don't seem to have the energy or focus to make myself (and Alex) nutritious meals, which in turns makes me feel fatter and more tired which in turns make me not be very efficient around the house with all the cleaning and packing and all the stuff that needs to get done around here which in turn just makes me more stressed. How to brake the cycle? ...believe me if I knew I would've done it eons ago. But I am so open to any suggestions and/or advice. Help? Yes, please!

Onto more crafty matters. Here's a picture of a pair of socks I knit
ted a month ago. I don't love the yarn or the color, I think I ordered it online thinking it was purple and pink, not that that would've made it better but I bought it to make my friend Rachel some socks as a joke, which for some reason I thought it'd be funny if the socks were pink and purple but I don't remember exactly why I though that was funny. The yarn turned out to be purple and light purple, but I went ahead and made the socks 'cause knitting socks is fun and there they are. Can you see how I messed up the top of the right sock... yes, it is a bad picture but also a poorly knitted sock. But they are comfy... or they will be when is not a 100+ degrees outside anymore.

And this is the project I'm working on right now. Well, this is a sample of what I'm trying to achieve. May brought me this hat because it's her favorite and she wants me to knit her a replica, it's really cool and hard to explain but it's made out of one long piece of 2x2 ribbing and sewn onto itself. Anyway, it's really cool and I'm about 9" away from finishing the long strip (not photographed here) and then I have to block it and then attempt to sew it just like this hat. We'll see how it goes. But I can't wait to see if it works =)

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